Cast into the Swell II

Body of Work: Internal Dissonance

“Internal Dissonance” explores the disconnection between me and the faith I was raised with, the unease I feel with religion, family and community, and how I seek to realise a new self outside of that environment and establish my own autonomy and ideological sovereignty. The various images each explore a momentin experiencing and eternalising my loss, change, and growth.

Background as a poem: Red Blush To Give It Away

I fell out of love with Yiddishkeit like a graze slowly drying up from puffy moisture to a brittle bark-like sticky note, that stung as I Iifted it off, but looked alien against my skin.

It was a moulting process, wondering why the texture of my flesh was growing unrecognisable, until one day it began to shift against the movement of the layer beneath, organic moire patterns warning me of dissonance. And so I began to step out of my old full-body glove, tenderly peeling it off and wincing at the stinging rasp of myself leaving myself.

The pattern of my skin had changed, others where once was me, me where once were others, rigidity and fluidity trading places. And here’s the thing about sore thumbs: they stand out most to the owner of the hand, with just a red blush to give it away to others.

My art this past year with “Internal Dissonance” has taken many forms, including drawing, printmaking, photography, and found objects. Together, these works untangle and process my journey from an observant member of my religious community, to leaving the faith and trying to find my own place in the world. I deal with a large amount of uncomfortable feelings and stifled vulnerability. Within my community is a push and a pull - the need to draw away and define myself outside of their judgement and restrictions; and the need to be accepted and being drawn in to the genuine love with which they treat me.